Today I woke up feeling like my Thai maid had had a crap on my tongue during the night...as I'd forgotten to close my door properly before stumbling into my bed, there's a good chance she had.
I am filled with guilt at still not having booked The Sanctuary for my week of yoga, fruit smoothies and clean-living....so I reach for my mobile, turn on the wi-fi....and get straight on Tinder in search of another party.
Within minutes I am matched with an English DJ, bar and hostel owner called Guy, who offers to come and pick me up from my hotel and take me to a private party in Haad Yao, on the other side of the island. He tells me to be outside in 20mins, so I shave my tongue, conceal the bags under my eyes and fling on a sequinned chiffon cover-up over my bikini. Sorted.
Guy roars up in his battered purple Mustang, his dog Cassius crammed in the footwell as the back is filled with speakers and DJ equipment, and away we zoom. We stop at his bar to collect yet more speakers and Cassius jumps out too. Once we're all loaded up we set off again, only to realise 15minutes later that we've left the dog behind...d'oh! Koh Phangan is very hilly and bendy, so it's quite a white-knuckle ride, especially with the car full of stuff and the dog drooling down my legs in my footwell. It's also at least 35degs with 85% humidity. This combo is not conducive to immaculate grooming, so I have no option but to scrag it up and rock the 'Bohemian Chic' look...which is just as well as when we finally arrive at Seaboard Bungalows, the location for the party, I'm greeted by an array of dope-smoking, rake-thin Swedish girls, effortlessly looking amazing through lazily stoned eyes and pouty lips. Guy introduces me to everyone and I instantly forget their names, choosing instead to sink a few Changs and attempt to look relaxed and at ease as the blatant tourist amongst this close-knit group of in-crowd locals...
A few hours pass, Guy is spinning some cool tunes, everything is peachy, until one of the Swedish mafia aka Amelia realises that it is Guy who has brought me to the party and he fancies me. It then becomes apparent that Amelia is in fact Guy's on-off love interest (more off than on thanks to him), and she is now spitting feathers and baying for my blood. Gulp!
Luckily one of the gang, Stephen, hears my prayers for a knight in shining armour to come and whisk me away from the situation (or at least transport my butt back to Haad Rin), and we speed off on his scooter, leaving Guy open-mouthed and eating our dust...
Stephen is a hotel manager for a 5-star resort called The View, which is in Bang Tai and is Bang Tidy...result! So we spend the rest of the evening swimming in the infinity pool, sipping whiskey on ice and admiring the most amazing view, right out across Phangan and over to Samui. The tunes are on, the drinks flow as does the banter....another cracking Phangan experience for the Thailand trip memory bank....
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