Koh Tao....aaaand relax!

The ferry crossing to Koh Tao is relatively painless for once...I pay the extra few hundred baht for the luxury of the catamaran and get a seat in the lower deck with air con, movies on the big screens and even a bar. I attempt to silence some rather annoying screeching brats with my stink-eye death-stare and when it doesn't have any effect I use it on the parents until it does, then settle down to update the blog. An hour later and Koh Tao comes into view. Several taxi drivers are yelling and touting for business, so I jump into the back of an open-air truck with several other Farang and we whizz off towards Sairee Beach, the wind in our hair a welcome respite from the stifling heat.

Daniel, the German guy I'm rooming with, who shall furthermore be referred to as Dan Ze Deutsch, has already been staying at Secret Garden Village for a few weeks so he meets me at the taxi and we head to our bungalow. It's small but sweet and set back from the beach in a forest of palm trees via a dirt track so is blissfully quiet....that is until Daniel informs me that I snore...a lot! Eep! I try to contain my titters when I awake to find him wearing earplugs/headphones/towel over head combo, his pretty-boy face marred by dark circles. I, however, had the best night's sleep of the trip so far...

We spend a few days together on the beach, him sipping soda water, me chugging back Changs like they are going out of fashion. Dan's 28yr old body is a temple....mine is more of an ancient ruin.
It soon becomes apparent that we are chalk and cheese : he hates clubbing, drinking, smoking and all things crazy and well, fun.  Or my version of fun anyway. He prefers the gym, chilling out, soft drinks...all things that are alien to me. I stare at him in wonder like he just landed from another planet.

Despite our glaring differences we have a laugh...mostly me ripping him for being boring, him making jibes about my age, drinking habits etc. One morning we are having a delicious Full English at Sairee Sairee when Diarmid, one of my Irish party pals who've been on the same island-hopping route as me throughout my trip, comes lumbering up, obviously still on one from the night before. Plonking himself down, dodgy braid trailing past his ear, beer dangling from his limp hand, he regales us with tales of the previous night's exploits, which culminated in a full-on fight with a bunch of ladyboys who he'd witnessed hitting a girl after she muttered some throwaway insult at them as she passed them in the street. A group of lads had had to jump in to defend the girl, who was crying as they sucker-punched her and attempted to throw their stilettos at her head. Hell hath no fury like a she-he scorned...

Diarmid and Kieron are leaving on a mission of a journey via planes, trains and automobiles for Bangkok in a few hours, so Diarmid demands that we have a farewell drink...so my English breakfast is promptly washed down with 2 sambucas and a Chang, much to the horror of Dan Ze Deutsch. He then slobbers a kiss in my direction and stumbles off in the vague direction of his hotel and what will probably be the most painful 12hr journey of his life, and for that of all his fellow travellers, no doubt.

We spend the day at Aow Leuk, which is a beautiful cove with crystal-clear warm sea and our white sand, and spot some small sharks, trigger fish and other underwater wonders....well Dan spots them, my eyesight is not quite so sharp after the morning's boozy brekkie. I bump into Nina and Chris in the sea, the Austrians who we got fully-loaded on Shrooms Shakes a week earlier. I stifle a laugh as Nina tells me the shakes were duds and had zero effect on them both. Are you kidding me, I feel like saying, remembering the wild-eyed frantic dancing of that night's escapades. The biggest lightweights in town are saying it had no effect....why oh why did I not get photographic evidence....ha!

Koh Tao is more pricey and with higher-quality restaurants than Phangan, so we have several lip-smacking meals. Barracuda takes bookings, such is it's popularity, but we manage to slip in slyly without a reservation before heading to a fire show on the beach, where there are several 'hairy' moments as the fire-dancing Thai boys swirled their weighted chains of fire around Dan's head, who happens  to be sporting approximately half a can of hairspray to achieve that Beckham-perfect style. I don't fancy witnessing his chiselled features burst into flames so we make a move after the 10th time they attempt it and I drag him kicking and screaming into a ladyboy show. There's something strangely hilarious about a Thai ladyboy dressed as Christina Aguilera, resplendent in thigh-high patent boots and a huge blonde wig placed at a jaunty angle on his/her head, gyrating just slightly out of time and miming badly because they have no clue what the actual words are....

It is not lost on me that whilst the UK is commemorating the start of WW1 and lighting candles of remembrance, I'm fraternising with the enemy, so we make light of it as best we can : Dan emerges from the bathroom with his perfect stubble shaved into a Hitler tache...but freaks when I try to take a picture. I wind him up throughout our stay by referring to him loudly as 'my husband' in public, which drives him mad, especially when he's trying to ogle the many nubile young  girls within earlobe-licking distance....

On the last day in Koh Tao we are due to go the Muay Thai boxing at the local stadium, but I'm feeling sick as a dog and we have to go back. Seeing as I hadn't had a single drink that day I can only assume that the 40% proof Sangsom had previously been killing off the bacteria featering in my gut, and the sudden withdrawal had caused my tapeworm (or whatever parasite I'm probably cultivating) to panic and cause an intestinal kerfuffle.

Being in Koh Tao with such relaxed company feels like someone yanked up the handbrake on my partying, so it is with mixed feelings that I gather my things and leave the bungalow to head back to Koh Phangan, ready for the retox as Full Moon approaches.

Dan and I say our fond farewells as I leave the catamaran at Koh Phangan and head back alone into the fray, whilst he continues on to Bangkok for his date with a Thai girl....

Now, did someone say party....?